The older I get the more I realize I have little to no self-control.

I’ve started so many diets. Like, it’s embarrassing. I decided to try the Military Diet just to kick start my “usual” diet (a mix of low carb and intermittent fasting) last week because I thought “Hey, I like everything on this list and it’s just 3 days. Easy Peasy.”

Not easy peasy.

Day one: Mark brought me home a donut first thing in the morning. It was a pink donut with sprinkles and he knows that’s my favorite. (I’m Homer Simpson at heart.) Don’t let anyone tell you that there are only five love languages because there are six and the sixth is Food. So like.. I had to eat the donut. Rules is rules.

Day two: I told the fam to just do whatever they wanted for dinner. They chose pizza. I had one bite of cheese bread dipped in marinara. Then I scarfed the whole thing in ten seconds flat, my new personal record.

Day three: Mark wrangled kids all day so I could tackle cleaning our closet. A distraction! I could totally get through the day without cheating! I proceeded to make him lunch and ate three of his fish sticks and a large spoonful of mac and cheese.

See? No self-control. BUT I did lose 3lbs! Honestly I don’t feel too bad about it. Bad bitches gotta eat donuts. (Babe, put that on my headstone when I die please.)