Let’s just get this out of the way: I had two huge ass babies.
Cora was 9lbs 10oz and Dexter, damn him, was 11lbs 5oz. I’m 5’3”. By the grace of god I walked away mostly unscathed from my pregnancy with Cora…a slight case of diastisis recti but no stretch marks or real flabbiness.
And then there was Dexter.
(Those are hot pink underwear with pizza slices all over them. Say something.)
I ended up with the weirdest horizontal stretch marks with that kid. Think less “tiger stripe” and more “Shar Pei wrinkle”. They’re hardly noticeable now but they’re certainly still there. There’s a solid 2 inch gap between my abs where my diastisis recti worsened. I have a noticeable, strange dent above my bellybutton where my stomach sinks in a bit. There is so. much. loose. skin. My belly button sags. (DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD HAVE A SAGGY BELLYBUTTON, GUYS?! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?) My metabolism has gone haywire. And I’ve been rocking the ol’ linea nigra for over two years now…it runs from my chest straight down to my pubic bone and I’m not convinced that fucker is ever going away.
My mom told me this would happen. She did. For years. “I was your size once,” she would say. “And then I had babies.” And then she’d grab her flab with this “YOU’RE NEXT” gleam in her eye. (I’m sorry I’m talking about your flab, mom.) And like with most things, she was right.
There are some days I’m fine with it because hello, look at these beautiful blessings I have bestowed upon the earth! (Cora runs into door frames frequently and Dexter whines 24/7.) I know this stuff happens and my body stopped being my own once I got pregnant. I know that. But there are some days, and it’s usually when I’ve seen an old photo of myself (thanks Timehop!), that I miss my old body fiercely.
Oh, and I have a newfound love for mid-rise jeans and one-piece swimsuits. Just like a real mom. *thumbs up*
P.S. I am most definitely not writing this for “But you look great!!” comments. I don’t need them. No fishing here. Just let me rant about my saggy bellybutton without a pity party.